Recognising and understanding your attachment style can stop you from attracting the wrong types and if you’re in a relationship help you to understand sources of conflict and how to manage them.
According to the authors of Attached, Dr Amir Levine and Rachel Holler, there are three attachment styles:
and people with each of these attachment styles differ in:
- Their view of intimacy and togetherness
- The way they deal with conflict
- Their attitude towards sex
- Their ability to communicate their wishes and needs
- Their expectations from their partner and the relationship
How Can Understanding Your Attachment Style Help You to Pick the Right Kind of Partners?
If you want to attract and build a fulfilling relationship, then you need to understand how certain combinations of attachment styles work against each other.
- Good at conflict
- Great communicators
- Not game players
- Comfortable with intimacy
- Quick to forgive
- More likely to see sex and intimacy as one
- Devoted and loving partners
In an experiment to rate couples’ functioning during a joint interaction, it is no surprise that relationships where both partners are secure functioned better than relationships between an anxious and avoidant. However, what is most interesting, is that they observed no difference in the interaction between two secure partners and secure partners combined with either an anxious or an avoidant. This means that secure people have a skill in making insecure types (avoidant and anxious) feel more secure and raising the overall fulfillment of the relationship.
If you recognise any of the anxious or avoidant behaviours in yourself it is important that you attract someone with a secure attachment style.