Here are 10 common mistakes which most women grapple with at some point in their lives.
1. Believing that you have to be in a perfect relationship
Holding on to this belief will stop you from ever attracting a relationship since no relationship is perfect. It is actually a good thing that relationships aren’t perfect, if
they were, we would have no opportunity to grow and develop as a person within
2. Believing that your ideal partner has to be perfect
Just as no relationship is perfect, neither are the two people within it. Part of being
in a relationship is tolerating your partner’s annoying and irritating side as well as enjoying their endearing and positive side.
3. Thinking that money and looks will make you happy
Good looks are very seductive and money can buy you nice things but love, kindness, support, loyalty, sense of humour, optimism, generosity and thoughtfulness will keep
a relationship going in the long-term.
4. Giving him too much too quickly
It may sound old-fashioned but taking your time to get to know someone before
jumping into bed with them works every time. It can be hard to resist going all the
way when you are really attracted to someone or have strong feelings for them. The problem for women (not men) is that once they have sex with a man that the
hormones released during love-making, especially oxytocin, bond you to that person emotionally. If you haven’t got to know the person before you sleep with them,
you could be bonding with the wrong person and once you’re bonded, it doesn’t
matter how bad their behaviour is, you will find it difficult to say “no.”
My experience and research among my clients shows that relationships that progress
very quickly physically without a solid foundation of trust come to an abrupt end or
result in failure.
5. Not expressing your needs
It is easy and naïve to believe that if you give everything your partner wants that they will give you everything you want. Men typically have a less direct communication style so, unlike many women, don’t know what you need and want unless you spell it out to them. Many women have been brought up to deny their needs so acknowledging and communicating their needs can feel foreign and overwhelming. If you over-give in a relationship the partner will over-take rather than give back.
6. Wanting your man to be just like your best girlfriend
Your best girlfriend knows just what to say and not what to say when you’re feeling stressed or overwhelmed. She also never tires of talking about shoes or clothes or feelings. Your man may always say the wrong thing when you’re stressed or overwhelmed and will tire of certain subjects. However, instead of comparing your man to your best girlfriend, appreciate him for all the great things he has to offer, such as, protection, companionship, challenge, complimentary skills, security, being a father to your children, a clear head in difficult times, solidity, practical intelligence, humour and strength.
7. Mothering your mate
It is so easy to fall into the trap of mothering your husband or partner since you have most likely seen your own mother doing this and will subconsciously re-enact this type of behavior. The other reason you may be acting as more of a mother than a lover is because your partner seems to love the way he can abdicate all responsibility in the home. Your partner may seem to be lapping up all that fussing and nagging, but in the long-term, continually mothering will turn your partner off and eventually break up the relationship. This is because the more you mother your man, the more your man will behave like a child. The closer the dynamics in your relationship come to “parent to child”, the further they come away from “adult to adult” and “lover to lover”. This means that the chemistry and sexual attraction which you once felt between each other will wither and wane.
8. Expecting your man to do things without being told
You can drop hints about the amount of dirty dishes in the sink or clothes strewn across the floor and a man still won’t do the washing up or put their dirty clothes in the laundry basket. However, if you ask a man directly without sarcasm or criticism to do specific tasks he is more likely to help you out.
9. You think that a good relationship should be easy
It is easy to romanticize and think that once you meet your soulmate that your relationship will flow effortlessly. Even when you have met Mr Right, you still have to work at a relationship and handle the many outside factors which impact on it such as, work, children, illness, bereavement and friends and family.
10. Prioritising your children over your relationship
Of course you need to give children a lot of attention and time and especially when they are very young but your children will grow into adults and will not be there in the same way as your life-long partner. You may not be able to devote as much time to your partner as to your children but you do need to make them feel special and make sure they are seen as more than just a father to your children.