The more specific you can be about the type of person and relationship you want, the easier your quest for the perfect match will be. Being certain about and communicating what you want will also help attract a long-lasting rather than short-lived relationship. When thinking about your perfect match, you need to strike a balance between being overly fussy and excluding 99% of potentials and being too general so that anyone you meet will do. It is helpful to consider the following and be honest about what you really do want:
- Intellectual intelligence such as being academic and being abreast of current affairs
- Practical intelligence such as cooking, driving and DIY
- Emotional intelligence such as self-awareness, ability to express feelings and empathy
- Desired behaviours such as fidelity, punctuality and sociability
- Fundamental beliefs such as religious, spiritual and political
- Location such as same area, city or country
- Interests such as sport, culture, walking or eating out
- Physical appearance such as height, weight, hair and eye colour
- Type of humour, such as sarcastic, dry or silly
- Attitudes towards health such as smoking, alcohol and exercise
- Financial status, such as being solvent or affluent
- Age, such as being older or younger
- Physical relationship such as physical affection and frequency of love-making
One of the tell-tale signs of being with your perfect match is when you share three to four core values with your partner. These could include: integrity, health, fun, adventure and security. A relationship feels right when you share core values. A relationship feels wrong and difficult when your values conflict with those of your partner.
Finding the perfect match by putting your best self forward?
Confidence is the greatest aphrodisiac so when looking for your perfect match you need to be confident about:
- Who you are
- Your physical appearance
Who you are
The main reason you lack confidence in who you are is because you have forgotten, are denying or hiding who you are. The reasons for this can be having no time to express who you really are due to the time pressures of work and family or having years of your self-esteem being knocked by parents, partners, colleagues or bosses. A great way to remind yourself of who you are rather than who you are not is to make a list of all your major achievements throughout your life, which can include, passing exams, winning competitions, voluntary work, travelling to different countries, getting a degree, making a difference at work, renovating a house, having children, overcoming illness or caring for a relative.
From this list you can draw out the qualities that helped you to accomplish these achievements such as, strength, determination and passion.
Your physical appearance
Sophia Loren said, “Sex appeal is fifty per cent what you’ve got and fifty per cent what people think you’ve got.”
Whenever you focus on how big your stomach is, how small you are, how unruly your hair is or how big your bum is or any other physical imperfection which you think you have, you draw attention to it and encourage others to notice it too. Tom Cruise may be short, dark and handsome but he focuses on his physical assets, piercing blue eyes and a well-toned body rather than his imperfections. Everyone has attractive physical assets such as beautiful hands, slender and shapely legs, a deep voice, an hour-glass figure or broad shoulders. Make sure that you are drawing attention to yours.
First date with your perfect match
A first date is like a job interview, you really want to make the best first impression you can and be invited back. Like a job interview, there is so much to prepare for and think about:
What do I say on a first date and how do I make sure that I don’t dry up?
Firstly think about conversation icebreakers and don’t be afraid of starting off with the obvious such as, “How was your journey here?” or “How has your day been?”
People usually love talking about themselves so ask questions that allow them to do this, such as: “What do you enjoy doing outside of work?” or “Where do you like to go on holiday?”
As important as what to say on a first date is what not to say. Avoid mention of exes and if the other person asks keep your answer brief. Avoid politics and religion and talking too long about your children, pets or work – this could give the impression that you don’t have space for a significant other in your life.
What do I wear?
Men are very visual so impressed by what women wear on dates. Women are generally more observant and critical about how others dress. This means that it is important for both sexes to carefully consider their choice of outfits. General rules for a first date include looking smart and presentable but keeping more daring and sexy outfits to potential later dates when you have got to know each other better.
What do I do at the end of the date?
The evening is coming to a close; you’re thinking about getting your last train home, you’ve really enjoyed your time together. Or, you could be secretly clock checking, thinking of all the things you would rather be doing and working out how long you need to stay so as not to look rude before making your excuses to go. The way you end a date can affect your chances of ever seeing your date again. If your date hasn’t tried to rush away and you have noticed some encouraging body language, make sure that you clearly communicate that you would like to see each other again with something like, “I had a great evening and would love to do this again some time.” If your date has rushed away or showed signs of boredom, you can use the line, “I really enjoyed the evening, you have my number to get in touch if you are interested in meeting again.”
Whether the date has gone well or not so well, it is polite and gracious as a man to make sure a woman gets home safely. As a woman it is respectful to thank your date and say that you have had a good time.
To find your perfect match may feel daunting, but getting clear about the type of person and relationship you want, putting your best self forward and making the most of first dates will get you a lot closer.