How to cope with rejection in love is hard for most of us. Read on for tips on love rejection.
David Rock, Neuro Leadership Consultant says, “When you feel rejected socially, the same circuits in your brain light up as when you feel physical pain.” No wonder, we struggle so much with love rejection.
We commonly face rejection when we ask for a promotion, send off CV’s or go for job interviews. Job searching can be a very testing time, but most of us accept that we need to go through some kind of rejection to get the right job. We don’t hesitate to send off another CV or go to another interview, if, at first, we don’t succeed.
It is far harder to bounce back and go on another date or start another relationship than it is to book that next interview. I have coached accomplished sales people who live and breathe rejection in their work, but find it impossible to deal with love rejection. We invest more of ourselves emotionally into any relationship or dating situation, so we take this type of rejection more personally and feel it more intensely.
Here comes the hard news – if we want to meet the right person, we are going to have to do some rejecting and expect to be rejected ourselves. Otherwise, we could end up settling for “Mr or Mrs Not So Right”
Overcoming rejected love
We need to master the art of rejecting love from others as well as handling being rejected ourselves.
The best way to learn how to reject others is to think about how you prefer to receive rejection. You may be tired of hearing clichés, such as, “it’s not you, it’s me.” You may resent people who have said they would phone after a first date and never did. If you would like to be rejected in love in a more honest and integral way, then make sure, that you reject others in this way. It is always worth beginning by saying what you have enjoyed about the date or the time you have spent together, for example, interesting conversation. The next step is to be honest without being cruel. Generally, we find it hardest to reject dates when we are not physically attracted to them. A good way to handle this is to say that you don’t feel that there is enough chemistry between the two of you. Remember that lack of chemistry is not just because someone looks a certain way, it is literally the combination of your two energies, which causes a sexual attraction. This means that you could feel a lack of chemistry with someone, who on the surface, you think is a bit of a looker!
How to cope with rejection in love
Here are my 7 top tips on how to cope with love rejection:
- Think of a time when you rejected a potential date or relationship – what was going through your mind?
- Take stock and put things into perspective, avoid using “always” or “never,” for example, “Men/women always reject me” “I’ll never meet anyone.”
- Remember that each date or relationship (however, short) is teaching you something and will lead you closer to the right person
- Ensure that you analyse the situation accurately and quickly and avoid phoning everyone you know to moan and prolong your suffering.
- Avoid “binge” eating, drinking, moaning and shopping to get over the rejection. Bingeing brings short-term relief and then makes you feel worse.
- Instead of “bingeing”, indulge yourself in a self-esteem ritual such as, connecting with people who value you highly, doing something which you have put off for months, doing something you are afraid of or doing something which makes you look and feel fabulous.
- Get back on your bike and on the dating scene!
Love rejection is not easy, but the more we practice, the easier it gets and we can have a lot of fun along the way!