Before I met my soul mate I studied friends’ relationships, which I observed as fulfilled and loving.  I was curious to discover what these friends had done, thought and believed to get into these relationships.  Over time I noticed that consciously or sub-consciously they had all used the Law of Attraction for relationships.

The Law of Attraction is based on the scientific fact that everything, including our thoughts, is made up of energy.  We all know that energy attracts like energy.  We can witness this in the way that negative people seem to be surrounded by pessimists.  Practice of The Law of Attraction can bring us whatever we want, including our perfect match.

The Law of Attraction is always working.  Whatever you have in your life right now, whether it is negative or positive, you have attracted it.

The Law of Attraction is based on:

• Thoughts
• Beliefs
• Desires
• Intentions

Thoughts
Positive thoughts about being with our soul mate will attract him/her into our lives, negative thoughts will repel him/her.  For example, if we are constantly thinking about how unhappy we are being single, we will continue to attract unhappiness. If we are feeling happy in ourselves and appreciating our life, we will attract happiness.  It is estimated that we have upwards of 60,000 thoughts a day and 70% of them are negative. 

Monitor how many positive and negative thoughts you have about being in a new relationship or a current relationship on a daily and weekly basis.

Beliefs  - Our limiting beliefs literally block out what we most want.  Some of these beliefs may ring bells with you, “there are no decent guys/girls out there.”  “Maybe it’s not meant to happen to me.” “I always attract the wrong ones.”  “Why have all my friends settled down and had children and I’m left on my own?”  ”I’m no good at relationships.”  ”We can’t change anything in this relationship.” These beliefs keep us stuck in hopeless situations.  They attract literally what they state.  If you change these beliefs into more positive ones, you create more options in your life.  For example, “I believe my soul mate is here and waiting for me “ and “I believe I will meet my soul mate when the time is right for both of us.” “If I change how I think in this relationship, the dynamics of the relationship will change.”

Notice how many negative beliefs you are holding about being in a fulfilled relationship and the impact they are having on your current reality.

Desire
We can think and believe that we want to be in a relationship but if our desire is any less than 100% then we will not attract that relationship into our lives.  There is a fine line between wanting something and acting desperately.  When we act desperately we are focusing more on what we don’t want, for example, the thought of being alone for the rest of our lives.  The Law of Attraction means that if you focus on the thought of being alone for the rest of your life, that is exactly what you will get.  The more you want something, or the longer you have been focusing upon your desire, the faster the energy moves.

Be really honest with yourself and ask how great your desire is to be in a loving and fulfilling relationship.

Intention
Intentions state to the universe and our sub-conscience exactly what we want and care must be taken in the language we use to express them.  The sub-conscience does not understand negative language such as “not” and doesn’t distinguish between past and future tenses so,

• State intentions as positive rather than negative
• State them in the present tense as if they have already happened.
• Express your intentions with passion and enthusiasm.

For example:

“I am enjoying a fulfilled and fun life with my soul mate.”

“I appreciate and value my partner every day.”

All of the above about changing our thoughts, beliefs, desires and intentions can seem obvious but incredibly hard to put into practice when what we most want, a fulfilling and loving relationship, is taking forever to manifest and seems near impossible.  Here are some tips to help you create a positive attitude about relationships which will eventually help you to attract the right relationship:

1. Maintain a high emotional frequency
In their book, Ask and It is Given, Esther and Jerry Hicks explain about raising your emotional frequency to the frequency of that which you desire.  Let me give an example in terms of the law of attraction in relationships, if you most desire a loving and harmonious relationship and you are feeling jealous of others in good relationships or angry at an ex who has betrayed you, then your emotional frequency (jealousy or anger) does not match the frequency of what you desire, love.  This is why it is so important to be over past relationships and be happy in other areas of your life.

2. Understand where your negative beliefs come from
It is much easier to overcome negative beliefs about relationships if you understand where they come from.  Friends and other singletons may have reinforced a belief in you such as, “There are no decent guys/girls out there.”  Your parents may have passed down negative beliefs about relationships such as, “Don’t expect too much in a relationship.”

3. Look out for signs that you are getting closer to being in a fulfilled and loving relationship
These signs could include getting attention from the opposite sex that you weren’t getting before or meeting new people who could introduce you to an eligible partner.   Recognising any signs that the law of attraction is working for you gives you the hope and belief to keep aiming towards your vision and goals.

If you have already tried using the law of attraction in relationships and are having difficulty putting it into practice, I would be more than happy to answer your questions in this blog.

I passionately believe in using the law of attraction in relationships and regularly coach single people on how to use the law of attraction to meet their soul mate and offer 30-minute complimentary coaching sessions on this.  Please contact me for more details.

Controlling relationships will often begin well and a controlling partner can often be sweet, charming and confident and seem to have everything together when you first meet them.  Controlling behaviour in the early throes of a relationship such as, calling and texting frequently or wanting to spend as much time with you as possible, could be confused with protection and being attentive.  But, be aware.  The actions of a secure person will feel attentive and appropriate, whereas the actions of a controlling person will feel obsessive and intrusive.  At the beginning of a relationship when mood-enhancing hormones can cloud your judgment, it can be easy to deny controlling behaviour and get more deeply involved.  If you have been in a controlling relationship before, have a mother or father who was controlling in their relationship or are feeling vulnerable, after, for example a break up or after having been single for a long time, then read on to hear about the top signs of a controlling relationship.   Controlling behaviour  typically becomes more intense and frequent as the relationship progresses and as you give in to what the other person is demanding.

What Are the Signs of a Controlling Boyfriend or Girlfriend?
Controlling behaviour is more readily associated with men, however, there are women too, who  use excessive control in relationships.  Here are examples of controlling behaviour which you may recognise at any point during the relationship:

• Your partner starts making negative comments about what you wear and demands that you wear different clothes.
• Your partner makes negative comments about your weight and suggests that you go on a diet, even though you don’t need to.
• Your partner questions the time you spend without them, for example with friends or pursuing a hobby.
• Your partner shows jealousy towards one of your “exes” or your friends of the opposite sex.
• Your partner questions how much time you spend at work and any time when you work late.
• Your partner appears jealous of the relationship you have with your children from a previous relationship.
• Your partner accuses you of infidelity when that is the last thing on your mind.
• You feel smothered by your partner’s constant suspicion and interrogation.
• You feel like your every move is being monitored by your partner.
• Your partner wants to keep you to yourself and keep you away from your family and friends.
• Important friends and family have taken a dislike to your partner.
• You have stopped talking to your friends and family about your partner because you feel embarrassed about complaining yet again.
• You feel guilty about questioning your partner’s intentions or leaving them since they need your help and support.
• When you confront your partner about their behaviour, they say they are going to change and say all the things you want to hear, for example: they want to get married/have children/have another child/move in with you.

Why Are People Controlling in Relationships?
There is a spectrum of controlling behaviour in a relationship with 10 being so extreme that it would be considered abuse and 1 being mild enough to live with.  There are also different reasons for someone being controlling which include:

• Growing up with parents where one of the partners controlled the other
• Suffering from low self-esteem and using control as a way to overcome it
• Feeling lack of trust because previous partners have “done the dirty” on them

Can I change a Controlling Partner?
In my experience, no person can change another person in a relationship;  change has to come from within the person who needs to change.  However, if your controlling person recognises their behaviour and is willing to work through it, with for example, counselling, then you may be able to support and encourage your partner through this.  It is not something, however, that you should take on single-handedly.  If you are in a relationship where you are feeling unhappy more of the time than happy, I would suggest that it may not be possible for your partner to change their controlling behaviour with you.

How Do I Get Out of a Controlling Relationship?
If you have been in a controlling relationship for a while, you may have already been through a few cycles of break-ups and make-ups.  When a partner has control over you, they are good at persuading you to get back together, despite all your intentions not to go back to where you were before.  That is why it is important to:

• Get some help from a good friend, coach or counsellor when you do decide to break up.
• Break up the relationship by phone if you fear seeing the person and not being able to resist them.
• Refuse to take any calls from your ex to prevent you getting caught up in one of their persuasive “get you back” campaigns.
• For a period of time and if you can, stay away from places where you might bump into your ex.

It  can be really hard to break the cycle of being in a controlling relationship but if you do let go, you will have the space to attract a healthier relationship.  If you have any questions regarding this post, I would be very happy to answer them in this blog.

Suat Eman

• Secure
• Anxious
• Avoidant

• Their view of intimacy and togetherness
• The way they deal with conflict
• Their attitude towards sex
• Their ability to communicate their wishes and needs
• Their expectations from their partner and the relationship

How Can Understanding Your Attachment Style Help You to Pick the Right Kind of Partners?

If you want to attract and build a fulfilling relationship, then you need to understand how certain combinations of attachment styles work against each other.

In an experiment to rate couples’ functioning during a joint interaction, it is no surprise that relationships where both partners are secure functioned better than relationships between an anxious and avoidant.  However, what is most interesting, is that they observed no difference in the interaction between two secure partners and secure partners combined with either an anxious or an avoidant.  This means that secure people have a skill in making insecure types (avoidant and anxious) feel more secure and raising the overall fulfillment of the relationship.

If you recognise any of the anxious or avoidant behaviours in yourself it is important that you attract someone with a secure attachment style.

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Here are 10 common mistakes which most women grapple with at some point in their lives.

1. Believing that you have to be in a perfect relationship

Holding on to this belief will stop you from ever attracting a relationship since no relationship is perfect.  It is actually a good thing that relationships aren’t perfect, if
they were, we would have no opportunity to grow and develop as a person within
them.

2. Believing that your ideal partner has to be perfect

Just as no relationship is perfect, neither are the two people within it.  Part of being
in a relationship is tolerating your partner’s annoying and irritating side as well as enjoying their endearing and positive side.

3. Thinking that money and looks will make you happy

Good looks are very seductive and money can buy you nice things but love, kindness, support, loyalty, sense of humour, optimism, generosity and thoughtfulness will keep
a relationship going in the long-term.

4. Giving him too much too quickly

It may sound old-fashioned but taking your time to get to know someone before
jumping into bed with them works every time.   It can be hard to resist going all the
way when you are really attracted to someone or have strong feelings for them.  The problem for women (not men) is that once they have sex with a man that the
hormones released during love-making, especially oxytocin, bond you to that person emotionally.  If you haven’t got to know the person before you sleep with them,
you could be bonding with the wrong person and once you’re bonded, it doesn’t
matter how bad their behaviour is, you will find it difficult to say “no.”
My experience and research among my clients shows that relationships that progress
very quickly physically without a solid foundation of trust come to an abrupt end or
result in failure.

5. Not expressing your needs

It is easy and naïve to believe that if you give everything your partner wants that they will give you everything you want.  Men typically have a less direct communication style so, unlike many women, don’t know what you need and want unless you spell it out to them.  Many women have been brought up to deny their needs so acknowledging and communicating their needs can feel foreign and overwhelming. If you over-give in a relationship the partner will over-take rather than give back.

6. Wanting your man to be just like your best girlfriend

Your best girlfriend knows just what to say and not what to say when you’re feeling stressed or overwhelmed.  She also never tires of talking about shoes or clothes or feelings.  Your man may always say the wrong thing when you’re stressed or overwhelmed and will tire of certain subjects.  However, instead of comparing your man to your best girlfriend, appreciate him for all the great things he has to offer, such as, protection, companionship, challenge, complimentary skills, security, being a father to your children, a clear head in difficult times, solidity, practical intelligence, humour and strength.

7. Mothering your mate

It is so easy to fall into the trap of mothering your husband or partner since you have most likely seen your own mother doing this and will subconsciously re-enact this type of behavior.  The other reason you may be acting as more of a mother than a lover is because your partner seems to love the way he can abdicate all responsibility in the home.  Your partner may seem to be lapping up all that fussing and nagging, but in the long-term, continually mothering will turn your partner off and eventually break up the relationship.  This is because the more you mother your man, the more your man will behave like a child.  The closer the dynamics in your relationship come to “parent to child”, the further they come away from “adult to adult” and “lover to lover”.  This means that the chemistry and sexual attraction which you once felt between each other will wither and wane.

8. Expecting your man to do things without being told

You can drop hints about the amount of dirty dishes in the sink or clothes strewn across the floor and a man still won’t do the washing up or put their dirty clothes in the laundry basket.  However, if you ask a man directly without sarcasm or criticism to do specific tasks he is more likely to help you out.

9. You think that a good relationship should be easy

It is easy to romanticize and think that once you meet your soulmate that your relationship will flow effortlessly.  Even when you have met Mr Right, you still have to work at a relationship and handle the many outside factors which impact on it such as, work, children, illness, bereavement and friends and family.

10. Prioritising your children over your relationship

Of course you need to give children a lot of attention and time and especially when they are very young but your children will grow into adults and will not be there in the same way as your life-long partner. You may not be able to devote as much time to your partner as to your children but you do need to make them feel special and make sure they are seen as more than just a father to your children.

If you want to get a guy’s attention, you need to look as approachableas possible.  Guys fear humiliation and rejection so are more likely to approach a girl who looks least likely to give them the cold shoulder.

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Here are 14 ways to flirt with men and look approachable:

1. Make sure that your body language is open.  This means having your arms uncrossed, looking forward and standing or sitting tall.

2. Guys will not approach a girl who looks miserable, guarded or stand-offish.  Make sure that you smile warmly and genuinely.

3. Make sure that you really do return eye contact.  Guys are looking for obvious signals and will not pick up on subtle ones.

4. Never look down on a guy with a disapproving look.

5. Wear clothes that make you look feminine not sexy and slutty – light and bright colours will make you look more approachable than black or dark colours.

6. Wear clothes that you feel good in, this could be your favourite dress or pair of shoes or a pair of trousers which shows off your great figure.

7. If you’re really interested in a guy, separate yourself from your group of girlfriends. You could do this by going to the bar and making eye contact and smiling with the guy you’re interested in and waiting for him to return eye contact.

8. Once you have eye contact, you can flirt even more by looking at the guy and playing with your hair in some way, drawing attention to your erotic neck area.

9. Lighten up and don’t come across as overly serious. This means laughing at a guy’s jokes or even cracking some jokes yourself.

10. Show interest in the guy by asking questions about whatever he’s talking about.

11. Show admiration for him by complimenting him, especially on his achievements such as, “you must have worked hard to get where you are in your career.”  “You must have a lot of energy to keep your job and interests going.”

12. If you really want to show that you are interested, touch the guy you’re flirting with in a subtle way, such as lightly touching his lower arm – the most inoffensive sign of physical intimacy you can show.

13. Mirror his body language to show you’re interested, this simply means copying and is what you will naturally do if you’re interested in someone.

14. Leaning forward towards the guy you’re interested in is a great way of flirting.

Idea go

I actually believe that being single is a state of mind and work with clients over and over again who have thought themselves into being single.   This is all too familiar to me since I lived in a single state of mind for the best part of my 20′s and early 30′s.

I do agree, however, that certain  sociological changes have contributed towards making it harder to meet that special someone.  These include increased time spent at work and less personal time, the rise of social networking leading to less physical contact with people and women becoming more career focused and still having to prove themselves more at work than men.

My experience, however, shows that all these sociological changes can be overcome and that the real thing that is stopping my clients and single friends from meeting the one is what they are inwardly thinking and believing.

So what is a single state of mind?

A single state of mind is when you repeat thoughts or hold beliefs which confirm your single status, such as, “I’m fine as I am and can cope without a boyfriend/girlfriend.” This thought or belief usually conflicts with a deep down desire for a loving and fulfilling relationship.

You can also repeat thoughts or hold beliefs which act as excuses for you not to do anything about changing your single status,  such as, “No one will want to take on my baggage.”  Someone else could usually argue rationally against these excuses, such as, “Baggage is normal when you reach a certain age, so potentials are willing to take it on.”

How can I tell if I have a single state of mind?

If you recognise any of the below ways of thinking, you have a single state of mind:

• You are super independent and never ask people for help.  This way of thinking signals to any potentials out there, “Keep away, I don’t need anyone else in my life.”
• You have low self-esteem and believe that you are not good enough in some way such as, unhappy with some aspect of your appearance, not intelligent enough, boring or lacking in spark or unskilled in something such as cooking.  When you suffer from low self-esteem, any potential partners will get the message, “Stay away, I’m not good enough to be in a relationship and will continually remind you of this and become overly needy.”
• You have an excuse for trying anything new regarding relationships or dating such as, “I’m not going to do Internet Dating since I prefer face-to-face communication.” Has this ever stopped anyone using online recruitment sites when they have been made redundant?
• You are living in the past and your mind is preoccupied with an ex.  You think so much about your ex and idolize him/her so much that no one else is ever going to live up to them or even have a chance of getting close to you.
• You are deluded in some way and deny having any relationship problems such as continually attracting the wrong types or getting involved too quickly or giving too much.  Staying trapped in these patterns will ultimately leave you single since none of these relationships will work in the long-term.
• You don’t think that anyone will ever live up to your expectations and reject most people who show any interest.

Why do I have a single state of mind?

You are not usually born with a single state of mind but if you experience trauma such as abuse of any kind or observe your parents in an unhealthy relationship, a single state of mind can begin to develop from an early age.  It may also develop as you get older and experience more and more pain from failed relationships.  Once your mind has experienced a certain amount of pain (this can vary from person to person) it will create mechanisms to protect you from further pain.  Believing that you’re not good enough for a relationship or believing that you are better off on your own than in a relationship stops you from getting involved and so protects  you from getting hurt.

How to change your single state of mind.

It can be hard to work through your limiting thoughts and beliefs and in my coaching I take clients through a 3-step process:

1. Identify your limiting thoughts and beliefs around relationships and where they come from.
2. How to challenge and overcome these thoughts and beliefs.
3. Create new empowering thoughts and beliefs to replace the old disempowering ones.

Click here to find out more about this service.

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Here are 12  signs to look out for if you suspect that your boyfriend may be cheating:

1. He  is suddenly spending lots of time away from you,  such as working longer hours than usual, pursuing a “new hobby” or spending time with friends.  This could be genuine but if you have any doubts, ask him a few in-depth questions to see if he becomes evasive or defensive.
2. He is regularly taking calls on his mobile and walking away so you can’t hear the conversation and doesn’t share who he has been talking to.
3. When he once did allow you to phone him at work, he now won’t let you.  He may have some love interest at work and doesn’t want to be seen talking to his girlfriend.
4. He has friends, especially female ones, who he doesn’t  introduce you to.
5. He loses interest in sex or starts introducing lots of new things to the bedroom which you have never done with him before.  These may be things he is learning from a new girlfriend.
6. He stops wanting to or stops suggesting going on dates on your own or together with other friends – he could be saving his quality time for his mistress.
7. He starts being secretive,  not wanting to share what he has been during the day or not telling you what he is working on on his laptop in the home office.
8. He starts taking more care over his appearance than he used to.
9. He has unexplained expenditures – does he seem to be spending money on his credit card or out of a joint account that is not obvious?
10. He comes home smelling different – maybe a distinctive perfume other than your own or smelling of cigarettes when he doesn’t smoke.
11. If you find condoms in his bag or pockets when you’re not using condoms for birth control or you find them somewhere where you wouldn’t normally find them, this is a near  definite sign of him cheating.
12. Women’s intuition – if you have a feeling that your boyfriend is  cheating you are probably right but do get as much evidence as possible before confronting him and  look out for as many of the signs as you can.

Finding your perfect match can be tough, especially if you’ve not been on the market for a while. Thousands of men become single every day in the UK and are not always sure where to turn.

Singles internet dating sites may be the answer, allowing people to enter the world of dating gently while looking for single ladies. Good internet dating sites give you full control over your profile, the pictures you upload and also who you respond to.

But eventually everyone has to face up to the idea of the initial meet, a first date. Meeting single ladies for the first time can be daunting so here’s a few tips to help make it easier.

1. Choose somewhere simple to go, not so busy that you can’t hear each other and not so quiet that every silence is heard.
2. Wear something nice, but something you are comfortable in.
3. Don’t overdo the aftershave
4. You have two ears and one mouth for a reason – listen to your date, you’ll have much more fun that way
5. Keep it short and sweet, if the date is going really well it’s easy to extend. If not then you both have the option to leave.
6. Don’t make the other person uncomfortable, don’t turn up with presents or cards saying “I love you”…A simple bunch of flowers does the trick nicely

At the end of the date make sure you stay a gentleman, let the lady know you’ve had a great time and if you plan on being in touch that you will call.

You see, when its broken down it’s not that scary.

You can find out more at: http://www.singleswarehouse.co.uk/single-ladies/

This is a bit of a trick question since being needy in the traditional sense: clinging to your partner, not wanting to let them out of your sight, expecting them to take responsibility for your life when you are unable to or don’t want to is unhealthy.

A lot of women are so scared of coming across as needy that they forget that they have important needs that should be met in a relationship, such as being treated with respect. Women especially have trouble asking for what they want and need in a relationship. This is largely down to how women have grown up seeing their mothers always putting other people’s needs before theirs.

You may think that putting another person’s needs before your own is generous and altruistic, however, continually putting another person’s needs first leads to resentment, dissatisfaction and the other person taking advantage. It is only healthy and appropriate to continually put another person’s needs first when they are very vulnerable, such as a young baby. My son is three and would love me to put his needs first all the time but I am teaching him that there are times when I need my needs met as well, such as eating when I am hungry rather than playing with him.

Many of my male clients speak of the frustration they feel when their female partners don’t tell them what they want. Women have traditionally been programmed to believe that being direct and asking for what they want is rude. In truth, it is ruder to sulk and act in a passive aggressive way, expecting a partner to guess what you’re feeling and thinking than to politely say what you need. Let me give you an example:

Jane is feeling resentful and angry because she feels like she is doing all the household chores without much help from her partner Chris. She wants Chris to automatically do some of the chores without her having to tell him. She drops hints such as, “the washing is really piling up” and “your drawers are in a right state.” Chris doesn’t respond to these hints so Jane tries sarcasm, “Is it because you’ve got some kind of allergy to washing powder that you never put any washing on?”

Chris doesn’t respond to sarcasm so Jane loses it and resorts to personal attacks, “You’re so lazy and thoughtless that you never help me around the house, you never care about how I feel.” Chris feels hurt by the personal attacks and retreats and gives Jane the silent treatment. Poor Jane ends up carrying on doing all the housework since Chris won’t talk about the matter any further.

This pattern of hints, sarcasm and personal attacks locks Jane and Chris into a cycle of heated arguments, dissatisfaction and can eventually lead to break-up.

When my single clients come to me from failed relationships I often quickly see that their relationship failed because they didn’t express their needs.

Marshall Rosenberg, author of Nonviolent Communication famously says, “Conflict is an expression of unmet needs.” This means that to resolve any conflict, the needs of both parties need to be taken into consideration.

Nothing feels better than having our needs met whether they be basic needs such as hunger, thirst, sleep or shelter or more sophisticated needs such as being appreciated, recognised or cherished. You might be surprised that most people do actually like to help others meet their needs. People also respond more favourably when you express your needs rather than use sarcasm, make demands, launch personal attacks or manipulate to get what you want.

Let’s take the example of Jane and Chris and see how expressing needs would have stopped their cycle of arguments.

Jane expresses how she feels about having to do the majority of household chores herself, “I feel overwhelmed doing the majority of household chores as well as working full-time.”

Jane identifies and states her needs which are not being met. I need help and support with the household chores.

Jane guesses what Chris’s needs may be in this situation. Do you need flexibility in dividing the household chores rather than me telling you what you should be doing?

Chris confirms that he needs flexibility or shares other needs.

Jane makes a request to Chris, “Would you be willing to sit down and work out how we could split the household chores more equally?”

Chris has the choice to say yes or no to this request or make another suggestion.

This process is taken from Marshall Rosenberg’s book, Non-Violent Communication and I strongly recommend it.

You can practise expressing your needs in relationships at work, with parents, children and friends.

In my experience there are three most common relationship mistakes which will stop you from attracting and maintaining a healthy and fulfilling relationship:

Mistake # 1 - continually attracting partners who are unavailable
Mistake # 2 - continually attracting partners who need to be rescued
Mistake # 3 – continually attracting partners who need to change

These relationship mistakes come from patterns which are often deeply entrenched and programmed into your sub-conscience during childhood so you may not actually be aware that you are repeating them. Here are some tell-tale signs that you are making these mistakes.

1. Tell-tale signs that you are attracting partners who are unavailable
Your partners have other commitments in their lives such as work, children, family and friends or a hobby which take precedence over you.

At the beginning of relationships, you get on well with your partners, have lots in common and feel strong chemistry but they play it cool with you.

Your partners are still attached to their exes in some way such as not yet being divorced or giving emotional support to them.

Your partners are resistant to commitment such as introducing you to their friends and family, moving in or getting married.

Your partners live a reasonable distance from you so it is only possible to see each other at weekends or even less frequently.

Your partners are already in some kind of relationship such as married or living with someone.

2. Tell-tale signs that you are attracting partners who need to be rescued

Your partners are not financially stable and you end up lending or giving them money.

Your partners demand a high degree of emotional support without reciprocating to you.

Your partners have some kind of mental health issues which stop them from functioning normally.

Your partners are suffering from childhood traumas which have not yet been resolved.

Your partners are suffering from a physical condition which stops them from functioning normally.

Your partners suffer from extreme low self-esteem.

3. Tell-tale signs that you are attracting partners who need to change

Your see great potential in your partners and keep waiting for them to reach that potential.

Your partners are not happy in their work but don’t do anything to change their situation.

Your partners display unacceptable behaviour such as infidelity or mental or physical abuse.

Your partners have a very low sex drive.

Your partners have an inability to commit.

Why do you keep making these mistakes?

Until you realise that you have been making one or more of these relationship mistakes it is actually very hard to break the pattern. You are making these common relationship mistakes because of some kind of programming which took place during your childhood.

If one or more of your parents was unavailable to you in some way, working away from home, not demonstrative in their love and affection or ill or died then you are more likely to attract partners who are unavailable since it will feel familiar and strangely comfortable to be in a relationship with someone who is unavailable.

If you rescued one of your parents or siblings for example, by supporting an alcoholic or sick family member or taking on a parent role when your parents separated or caring for a younger sibling then you are more likely to attract partners who need rescuing because you didn’t manage to successfully rescue someone in your childhood or because this type of love feels familiar.

If you felt rejected or unloved by your parents as a child, you will more likely decide that romantic partners won’t give you what you want so you attract people who need to make BIG changes.

Another reason for attracting partners who are unavailable, need rescuing or need to make big changes is that you don’t believe you deserve to be in a fulfilling relationship so attract unfulfilled ones.

The first step in overcoming any of these common relationship mistakes is to recognise that you have been making them.